Here’s one for the splendid Captain Haddock to investigate and report back on for us all.

Are you a sea captain in need of close companionship? Are you a landlubber who craves the crustiness of a grizzled old sailor?

Well, there’s a website devoted to your needs. A dating website specifically devoted to…well, you work it out. The search form is interesting. It distinguishes between three genders: male, female, and sea captain.

We really are all doomed…