The Guardian’s “Tory” Test

August 29, 2010 at 10:54 pm

Let this article from the Guardian’s Komment Macht Frei called Liberal guilt? Good for you speak for itself.

To “suffer” from liberal guilt means that you are somewhat uneasy about all sorts of awkward things that it is tempting to harden your heart against, like global injustice, global warming, racism. It means that you are troubled by the stubborn persistence of our class system, though you personally have done fine by it. It means you sometimes worry that you might be prejudiced against all sorts of people. It means that your vague patriotism is laced with uncertainty about whether our ancient constitution is able to be truly inclusive. It means, for goodness sake, that you fail to be completely fatly smugly relaxed about this problematic world we inhabit. Is that really so shameful and wet, so laughably mentally effeminate?

If this little parade of privileged anxiety fills you with derision, then you are a Tory.

de·ri·sion

   [dih-rizh–uhn] 

–noun
1. ridicule; mockery: The bollocks printed in the Guardian elicited derision from the world.

Alternative test to check if you are Gordon Brown:

1) Have you ever saved the world?

2) If you add 0% to something it has:
a) increased
b) stayed the same
c) decreased

3) Do you own a rocking horse?

4) Have you ever:
a) stapled yourself to some paper
b) kicked a table over
c) issued a foul-mouthed tirade to a minion whilst naked
d) thrown a Nokia across the room
e) chased the US President around the UN building, finally cornering him in the kitchens

Much more accurate, in TheEye’s opinion.

Hat-tip for the Guardian quote: Englishman’s Castle