Seaside-Tsar: Shortest Government Non-Job Ever?

May 4, 2010 at 7:59 am

In a mind-numbing splurge of stupidity, Gordon Brown has apparently created something called a “Seaside Tsar” three days before an election.

Duncan Bannatyne appears on television’s Dragon’s Den, which apparently is a capitalist version of Professor Heinz Wolff‘s classic show The Great Egg Race, and he’s been promised the new job if Labour win.

Don’t start ordering the business cards, sunshine.

But let’s take a look at this bloke and his qualifications anyway, just…well…because we can. His fascination with the seaside doubtless began when he was thrown out of the Royal Navy (with a trip to the glasshouse at Colchester en route) for throwing an officer off a boat landing jetty.

Mr Brown announced that he would appoint Mr Bannatyne, who spends much of his spare time at his villa on the French Riviera, as an adviser on regenerating Britain’s seaside resorts if Labour win the election. 

Yes, right, we can see the fit instantly. Riviera….Bournemouth. You’d be hard pressed to tell the difference, wouldn’t you? Perhaps his regeneration plans will begin with destroying what’s left of the social life in coastal towns by extending the hated smoking ban – as President of the charity No Smoking Day he’s already nicely integrated into the Labour anti-smoking Geheime Staatspolize heirachy.

However, the appointment of Mr Bannatyne has baffled Mr Brown’s opponents. Last year, the tycoon, 61, told a newspaper that he spent 46 days at his £3 million holiday home in Mougins in the south of France.

Baffled everyone except the doctor who prescribes Gordoom’s happy pills, more like. So why has the Prime Mentalist dangled the carrot of this job despite being only hours away from watching the removal vans turn up?

…has a fortune recently estimated to be worth £320 million. He has donated money to the Labour Party. 

Oh. Ah. Right. Shouldn’t all this blatant jobs for donors nonsense be wildly nose-bleed-inducingly collar-feelingly illegal? Who cares? He’ll never be given the job and all of this stupidity will be over (or much reduced) by Friday lunchtime.