What If Nobody Comes?

January 1, 2010 at 10:32 pm
The irony of an advertisement for backpacks next to an article on looking out for dodgy looking camel-jockeys whilst on public transport is one to savour, but the article raises some interesting questions (for small values of interesting).
What would happen if you called a conference and nobody came? On the plus side, you’re throwing a tax-payer funded shindig, so the chances are that every diplomat, consultant, “expert” and hanger-on who isn’t suffering too badly in the aftermath of the season of champagne and white powder will sign up promptly. On the minus side, however, why would you turn up for a pointless talking shop designed only to give McDoom one (almost) final chance to strut on the world stage and try to seem in control of something? After all, he had 50 days to save the world, and that expired, errr, about 65 days ago. We do still seem to be here, although TheEye doesn’t rule out that alien abduction has occured after a brief period of seeing flashing whooshing lights in the sky on New Years Eve and experiencing a couple of hours of memory loss.
The article tells us:
Suspect Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, 23, is believed to have developed radical Islamist views during visits to Yemen,
…so, definitely and certainly not in the years he spent in the UK then, eh, Gordoom? The noise you hear, folks, is the spin machine at full revs.

and the country’s foreign minister this week appealed for international help to take on as many as 300 al Qaida operatives believed to be using it as a base.

…so please give us lots of money and some shiny weapons so that we can give them to some rebel warlords who’d usually be fighting with each other but that we’ve now bribed with your money to help us get a grip on our own uncontrollable bit of real estate.

Mr Brown said the January 28 meeting would be a stand-alone event involving key international partners held alongside the conference on the future of Afghanistan being held in London on the same day.

Hey, two conferences for the price of…two! Bargain! The local hookers will need to make travel arrangements accordingly.

But Mr Brown stopped short of saying that full body scanning machines would definitely be brought in, saying that he would consult with United States President Barack Obama on the introduction of new searches at airport, including the possibility of full body scans.

This is rather dishonest of him, as there is no consultation is going to happen. The US have (rightly) said that anyone travelling to their country has to undergo certain checks and procedures or they simply don’t go. End of consultation. That’s called sovereignty, and we have it too. Oh, actually maybe we don’t…..

Lord Adonis, the Transport Secretary, had claimed that the introduction of full body scanners is not possible without the permission of the European Union.

Four £10,000 scanners are thought to be in storage at Heathrow airport following a trial, but staff are banned from using them.

So what is the point of hosting a conference when we can’t even implement any (pre-decided) recommendations and daft ideas which come out of it? On the subject of daft ideas…

Warning of the risk to world peace from terrorism fermented in Luton Bradford Yemen, Mr Brown also announced that a new “Friends of Yemen” group would be established in the region to help prevent the Middle Eastern nation slipping into a failed state.

Well, that’ll make it all just splendid then. There’s plenty more in the Telegraph’s article to make you want to hurl things at your computer screen, but annoyingly they don’t have the catarthic release afforded by the Daily Mail’s comments section – over there you can unwind by clicking the Down arrows against any comment which doesn’t advocate the death penalty for anyone without a good British surname. Which is always a relaxing way to waste 15 minutes in the office.