The more sympathetic amongst our readers may wonder why an illegal immigrant suing the taxpayer and a grandmother suing Tesco are lumped together in a two-part rant about the compensation culture. The answer is simple…they are both taking the piss and should both receive nothing more than the proverbial good kicking on the way out of the door.

Mary Raimo is 76 and thinks she can get some money out of Tesco’s to top up her old age pension. She reckons that being hit on the head by a pineapple should get the cash ticking in nicely.

We learn that: The pensioner claims to have suffered severe neck pain and headaches since the incident happened in her local store in Lochee, Dundee, which has since closed down, and is demanding compensation.

“I was in the reduced section for the fruit, looking at some on the second shelf. Another lady was looking at the pineapples on the top shelf,” she said. “The next thing I knew – clunk – I got hit on the back of the head. I dropped my basket and staggered to the floor.”

Right, so some other woman, completely unconnected to the staff at the store, was poking at some reduced/out-of-date fruit in the annoying way that people do before putting it back on the shelf with extra germs and dents. And due to a couple of large gins for breakfast, she dropped it on Raimo’s head. Accident. Ooops. Sorry.

“My vision was blurred. I could not think straight. (Actually thats called “getting old”, love) I sat there for a while and got my bearings. I didn’t dare drive home, so I got them to phone my sister and come and pick me up.”

A doctor later diagnosed concussion, (an overdiagnosed condition but reasonable. Take an aspirin and lie down) but she claims she has been in pain since the incident happened a year ago (naturally).

“My neck is still sore,” she told The Daily Mirror. “When I’m driving I can’t turn and see what is coming. It’s a horrible feeling.” Well don’t bloody drive, then! What compensation would TheEye get now if this self-confessed unfit driver crashed into our car? Extra? None, if this statement invalidates her insurance?

Alasdair Wannan, her lawyer, who is attempting to trace witnesses, (“Excuse me Sir, did you see an old woman hit on the head by a pineapple last year?”) said: “It is her position the shelf was poorly stacked. Tesco say it was another customer who knocked it off.

“We are not seeking massive damages, but we would be looking for £3,000 or £4,000 to compensate for Mary’s injuries.” Bloody hellski. How much for a bruise?

A Tesco spokesweasel said: “Customer safety is very important to us and we are looking into what happened, our best wishes are with Mary Raimo for a speedy recovery.”

Frankly, as she’s not suffering at all at the moment it’d be a delight to see her get RSI in her arm – it must be painful reaching across for so long for a handout. If it ever comes to court then when she loses she should have to pay Tesco’s for wasting their time and money.

Two different case and two different stories but one conclusion… if there is a trough to be seen then a snout is never far behind.