The “big” announcement is due in exactly two hours time.

Will it be the one who looks like a rapist or the one who looks like he has Down’s Syndrome?

A nation waits with bated breath, and other oral disorders.

Victory by the younger irritating wonkish one would delight the BBC and others who think that freedom is overrated, and a triumph by the other one would dismay hair-dye manufacturers everywhere. Considering how skilfully they both dodged a big inheritance tax bill, accountants will be delighted whatever the result with all the extra business that bad publicity generates. Bring on the attack dogs!

You can cut the tension with…a..blunt cutty thing.

UPDATE: The odd looking one who can’t make eye contact has won.

Excellent graphic by GOT