Well, if you’re counting the politically correct tickboxes then (half) Black, (half) Jewish, Woman, Idiot gets you the full house. The same tokenistic idea of tickboxes, incidentally, which the Human Bouncy Castle, Diane Abbott, is blatantly using to leverage her pointless campaign to lead the Labour Party. And if you don’t fall slavishly into line then you’re automatically a racist, a misogynist, or both.

Her record of electoral triumph is short and…well, short. Forced on the Labour Party in Bethnal Green and Bow by a centrally imposed shortlist (because they had certain issues with the local Bangladeshi activists) she was returned to Parliament in 1997 by a constituency in the dark about her claimed abilities. As soon as they became aware of the shallowness of those talents, that majority of ten thousand turned into a 2005 loss by 823 votes, with a spectacular 26.2% swing from King to the unspeakably awful Galloway. At the 2005 count she vowed to fight the same seat at the next election; a promise which was soon glossed over.

Unable to face the fact that she’d been humiliated, she said that she’d carry on as a “shadow MP” in an office funded by the GMB but, with that idea getting the kicking it deserved, she landed (and retains) a plum non-job sucking on the public teat as head of “diversity” at Channel 4. Oddly, there is no sign of her resigning that in order to run – obviously those pesky impartiality rules don’t apply. That would be waaaaaaaaacist, you see.

A lightweight? Definitely. Even that rent-a-jolly-old-sailor impersonator Dobson had been in the Cabinet prior to running for London Mayor. And that’s certainly no longer an accusation that can be levelled at Boris, who will be sleeping easier in his bed this week knowing that the Newt Lover isn’t a shoo-in for the nomination.

And if Boris decides that he needs to ride to the rescue of Great Britain and find himself a convenient by-election? Maybe a few quid early on James Cleverly could unexpectedly pay a month off your mortgage?