Two stories about the religion of peace to come out of Germany this week. First up we learn that a new programme is helping 17 Turkish imams learn German in a bid for integration in North Rhine-Westphalia.

The imams from mosques across Germany travelled Dortmund for the course, which has been organised by the Auslandsgesellschaft group in cooperation with the Turkish-Islamic Union for Religious Affairs (DITIB) and the Turkish consulate general. Quite who is paying for it is anyone’s guess, but you can bet that the word taxpayer is going to feature somewhere.

Most of the religious leaders have recently come from Turkey and have no German skills and organisers said the measure was an “important step” on the path to “integration” of Turkish Muslims and their mosques into German society. There are 2.8 million Turkish Muslims in Germany, making them the largest minority.

The year-long intensive course will be held in the Merkez mosque in Dortmund, after which participants will receive a certificate showing that they are capable of understanding simple German texts and can speak German in day-to-day situations. They will also focus on learning to convey Islamic religious concepts in German so that worship in mosques can also be conducted in German and the imams can provide a German summary of their sermon texts. They will probably be leaving out the bit about backpacks, beheadings and learning to fly large passenger aircraft.

However there’s one new German initiative that Muslims won’t be able to take part in. Doctors in Bavaria have become the first in Europe to test a new post-mastectomy plastic surgery procedure that uses subcutaneous pig tissue, the Klinik für Geburtshilfe und Frauenheilkunde der Universität München (University of Munich’s women’s health centre) announced on Thursday.

The centre has treated six breast cancer patients who had mastectomies with the “Strattice Reconstructive Tissue Matrix” and report that has so far been gentler than the standard re-constructive method of transplanting flesh from places like the belly and buttocks. Freed of all animal cells and other substances the tissue has caused no rejections in any of the test cases.

How long before the new German-speaking imams start decrying the procedure as racist and discriminatory because Muslim women can’t take part? So of course any government funding or use of the technology in State hospitals will have to be banned for the sake of equality and harmony.

Luckily Fraulein Iqbal-al-Whatever’s breasts will never be on show anyway, so the world will always remain in blissful ignorance of whether she broke the rules.