Well no escape on your television if a complete nobody called Colin Challen has his way. This Early Day Motion really makes you want to rip his heart from his chest and hold the still-beating muscle in front of Challen’s bloodshot eyes as he gasps vainly for some last air  through his crushed windpipe.

That this House recognises that there is a climate emergency and that the catastrophic destabilisation of global climate represents the greatest threat that humanity faces; further recognises that the world is already above the safe level of atmospheric carbon dioxide concentration for a stable planet; further recognises the need to reduce this level to 350 particles per million or below; believes it is impossible to predict how close the world is to dangerous tipping points and that action to reduce emissions now is worth considerably more than doing the same later; further believes that immediate action is required to enact a program of emergency measures with substantial emissions reductions in the short term of the order of 10 per cent. by the end of 2010; further believes that the majority of money spent on reviving the economy should be on green measures and that at least two hours of prime time television per week should be used to explain the gravity of the crisis to the public; further believes that unabated coal and domestic flights should be phased out by the end of 2010, that a speed limit of 55 miles per hour should be introduced and investment made in energy efficiency and renewable energy, public transport and the retro-fitting of efficient insulation to existing housing stock technologies leading to the creation of a million green jobs by the end of 2010; and further believes that the introduction of such measures would send a positive signal to other countries leading up to the UN climate change summit in Copenhagen and beyond.

In the name of all that’s holy, this is just too much. The EDM can’t be fisked because…well, TheEye can’t even read it all the way through without wanting to kill Challen with a spoon, let alone start to take it apart. Also it would forever destroy the non-sweariness of this blog in a spectacular fashion.

And if his Orwellian nightmare dream of two hours dedicated to climate brainwashing propaganda stuff ever came true then the television would not just be turned off – it would deliberately be in that standby mode with the little red light on which Al Bore tells us is killing all the cuddly polar bears.

Curses to Croydonian for starting TheEye on the slippery slope of reading these and Dizzy for spotting this one.