Gripped as we are in the vice-like pincers of a Government in its death-throes…wildly and madly thrashing around for an unnecessary cause to champion or a long-held freedom to pointlessly legislate on, another target springs to our every vigilant attention:

“An unidentified spectator, caught in the uncomfortable perils of global warming and climate change, awaits emergency government guidance from Labour ministers on how best to combat the sun’s glare at an afternoon sports event.

Directly because of a decade of failed Thatcherism in the 1980’s which is still ravaging just about everywhere, potentially millions of Britons like this remain uncovered and in similar straits threatening their basic healthcare; a predicament the protective Labour administration finds unacceptable in an era of rapid change for a country that can tax you for having a nice view out of your window.

According to uninformed Westimister sources, under the multi-billion-pound Cash for Caps program being discussed, British residents who qualify (including illegal immigrants) will receive personalised instruction for up to six weeks on precisely how to properly position a visored cap to protect the face against the harmful sun’s ruthless rays.”

Inspiration from an email. Thanks DaveE