Image via the superb GOT but fury and indignation courtesy of TheEye.

Calm start and deep breaths as this is a non-sweary blog…although it might not be by the end of this f**king post.

Right. So you have a war or two. Just about everybody in the House of Commons votes for them and just about the same number regret it when the body bags start to stack up. Voters don’t tend to like things like that.

So what do you do….you have an enquiry. Except you claim that it will be independent but held behind closed doors (oh, Sir Humphrey Appleby we miss you so, old friend) because the Prime Mentalist told the Commons it must hear evidence in private so witnesses can be “as candid as possible”.

It will look at events between the summer of 2001 and July of this year, but will not report back until after the next general election. Which means that the events leading up to the war in Iraq before summer 2001 aren’t of any sodding interest.

This so-called “independent” inquiry will be conducted by members of the Privy Council headed by Sir John Chilcot, who was a member of the Butler review of intelligence on weapons of mass destruction. Yep, that one went well too.

Other members include Baroness Usha Prashar, who is a human rights lawyer, Sir Roderick Lyne (no idea but someone of the same name was once an Ambassador to Montenegro so maybe he is a serious heavyweight in the corridors of power), Sir Lawrence Freedman (very keen on the Falklands War and his books are great slumber material – TheEye gave a gift of one of them to a charity shop) and Sir Martin Gilbert (his one claim to fame is that after Freedman, Gilbert is only the second closest writer to make you contemplate gouging your eyeballs out with chopsticks.)

Right. We have a human rights lawyer, two scribblers who aren’t worthy to polish AJP Taylor’s deck shoes and an ex f**king ambassador to f**king Monetf**kingnegro. And they are in charge of this investigation. You’d laugh if it wasn’t true.

Marvellously the report being only released after ZaNuLabour become toast in the next few months means that Gordoom can leave his useful idiots to scribble whatever they like. Their report won’t stop roadside bombs killing soldiers in unarmoured transports. But it might get them a decent book contract or two.

After, of course, the General Election.

Managed to keep this as a non-sweary blog too. Just.