Spanish scientists have discovered traces of cocaine and LSD in the air in the cities of Madrid and Barcelona.

Air pollution has long been a fact of life in Spanish cities, but scientists now say that it is not just smog that chokes people as they walk to work or stroll through the park.

A new study has found the air in Madrid and Barcelona is also laced with at least five drugs – most prominently cocaine.

The Superior Council of Scientific Investigations, a government institute, said on its website that in addition to cocaine, it found trace amounts of amphetamines, opiates, cannabinoids and lysergic acid -a relative of LSD – in air-quality control stations in the cities.

But it said there was no reason for alarm.

“Not even if we lived for a thousand years would we consume the equivalent of a dose of cocaine by breathing this air,” said one of its scientists, Miren Lopez de Alda, in the statement.

The scientific group added that “in no case should these levels be considered representative of the air in the two cities”.

In Madrid the test site was close to a ruined building believed to be frequented by drug dealers. And in both Madrid and Barcelona, the studies were carried out close to universities. Well that’s a surprise. In other shocking breaking news the Pope defecates in the woods.

The group also said in a paragraph entitled* “Una Declaración Del Sangrar Obvio” (literally “A Statement Of The Bleeding Obvious”) that the study showed higher concentrations of the components on weekends (this bit is true), suggesting that drug consumption was up in these periods. They also revealed exclusively that it was Colonel Mustard en la Biblioteca con el Revólver.

* engage bullshitometer at this point.