A type of strange aquatic life which is not native to the coast of Somalia has helped Capt. Richard Phillips escape his pirate captives. He’s now safe aboard the USS Bainbridge and reunited with the fellow crewmembers that he put his life on the line to save.

The pirates didn’t do so well:

The American captain of a cargo ship held hostage by pirates jumped overboard from the lifeboat where he was being held, and U.S. Navy SEALs shot and killed three of his four captors, according to a senior U.S. official with knowledge of the situation.

You knew it was coming – you just wondered when.

Remaining pirates should immediately go on a remedial flag identification course and learn the difference between the US flag and the flag of Panama.
Luckily someone typed a few phrases into B Hussein Obamas teleprompter (TOTUS) and so he was able to repeat some speechwriter’s tribute to Phillips. But would our politicians have the spine to authorise the Royal Navy to conduct a similar action, or would they be too busy cooking up false stories about David Cameron having an STD or mythical photographs of George Osborne in female underwear?