Self-Defence
You wonder how his brief kept a straight face:
A man accused of relieving himself on a station platform has denied he acted illegally because he was ‘urinating in self-defence’.
Michael Jones, 50, allegedly attacked a police officer who tried to tell him off at Waterloo railway station, south London, on May 3.
Gwawr Thomas, defending, today (Tues) told the City of Westminster Magistrates’ Court that Jones would fight the charges at a trial.
‘He urinated in self-defence because the water supply was poisoned by the mafia,’ she said.
‘He had to get rid of the poison from his body.’
District Judge Nicholas Evans said: ‘But even if you are unlucky enough to have your urine contaminated by the mafia, you have to do it in a lavatory.’
He added: ‘This is not realistically going to be a viable defence.’
‘Mr Jones felt it was necessary to get it out of his body,’ Ms Thomas replied.
Jones, of (Flat 12), Edward Henry House, Cornwall Road, Lambeth, south London, will stand trial before the City of Westminster Magistrates’ Court at 2pm on September 7.
He denies urinating on railway property and assaulting a police officer.
Okay, okay. Innocent until found guilty and all that good stuff. But TheEye predicts that he’s not going to get away with this one.
In other great law and order news: last week, police in New York arrested a man they said had called in two bomb threats to WPIX-11 TV. Police said the man threatened to blow up the station if it kept airing reruns of “Two and a Half Men,”
Sometimes violence is justified when your cause is just.
We’ve all taken the piss, to some extent, at one time or another .. (me probably more than most) … 😉
But this knobber is kicking the arse out of it ..
I suspect his brief (what sort of mong name is Gwawr anyway ?) can afford to keep a straight face .. cos which ever way it goes .. she’ll still get paid ..
Nice work if you can get it ..
I suspect from the two surnames Jones and Thomas that there is a Welshness thing going on here. That’d also explain “Gwawr” which is an absolutely rubbish hand in Scrabble.
Hppefully no legal aid cash going on here because that’d be just too much.
How could he be sure that the (alledged) poison would be removed from his body in urine? Any sensible poisoner would choose something with permanent, irreversible, side effects…
Not that I can name any, you understand!
Ahhh .. so it wasn’t the Mafia who contaminated this bloke’s bladder at all ..
It was the “Taffia” .. >:o 😉
Old “Jones, the Slash” could always have peed directly onto the live rail, MD ..
Therby curing his problem, permanently (I wonder, is that why Railways are called “permanent ways”) ? …. 😉