TheEye knows that an excellent cross-post from the G.O.T. is on the way and is sitting outside in the sunshine with the laptop and a better than average wireless link so is going to drop some gems from the Austrian Times before the G.O.T. rounds off the performance.

Racist Maths Book Fury

A primary school textbook has been rapped as racist for teaching children how to drown more Turks than Christians.

The Polish book asks youngsters to perform a calculation that would guarantee the death of the Turkish passengers on a sinking boat while saving as many Christians as possible.

Association Against Xenophobia chairman Jerzy Jedlicki said the textbook ‘Maths Miniatures’ would cause “hatred and discrimination.”

Spruce Grows In Man’s Lung

Astonished surgeons have removed a two-inch long fir tree growing inside a patient’s lungs.

Doctors thought Artyom Sidorkin, 28, had cancer when he began coughing up blood and complaining of agonising chest pains.

But as they operated to remove a tumour the medics were amazed to discover the perfectly formed spruce thriving inside the lung.

“I blinked three times and thought I was seeing things,” said surgeon Vladimir Kamashev at Izhevsk Hospital in Russia.

Doctors believe that Artyom breathed in a tiny seed which then began growing in his lung and that the sharp pains were the plant’s needle-like leaves digging into his lung.

“It was very painful. But to be honest I did not feel any foreign object inside me,” he explained.

Cannibals Feed Off Brother For Six Months

Two sick cannibals have told how they feasted on the remains of their brother for six months as they tried to hide his murder.

The pair, identified by police only as Timur (28) and Marat (23) G., admitted killing their older brother Rafis and then eating him in the central Russian city of Perm.

Police grew suspicious when the brothers reported Rafis missing but were vague when asked to give details of him so they could start a search, the newspaper Tvoi Den reported today (Weds).

After raiding the brothers’ house police discovered Rafis’s skeleton that the cannibal pair had stripped of flesh and buried in the garden.

Fiend Timur said he ate his brother to hide the evidence because he couldn’t face going back to prison where he had served 10 years for murdering his next door neighbour.

He said he blamed his brother Rafis for his last spell in jail after he reported him to police for the murder and started fighting with him. Marat had joined him and the pair had beaten him to death.

“We decided to eat him. I did not want to go back behind bars so we cut off his head and buried it and cut up the body parts and kept them in a refrigerator,” Timur told police.

“We have been cooking and eating his meat for six months,” he added.

Nice. Hopefully he doesn’t work in the kitchen at J.D.Wetherspoons.

NOTE: All are exact and whole copies of the articles so feel free to check out the other nonsense there but these ones are complete.