TheEye thought that a skim through the last pile of fetid, pointless, expensive and time-wasting Early Day Motions put down before Parliament before their summer hols might be a bit of fun.

Andrew Rosindell MP sneaks in with the very last two before the recess, and in a time of economic gloom, bullets flying on foreign shores and the general implosion of the country, it gives TheEye great pleasure in showcasing the important issues du jour.

EDM 1972: GIRAFFE CENTRE NAIROBI (not pictured)

That this House commends the Giraffe Centre in Nairobi’s Lang’ata suburb for its tireless and magnificent efforts in educating Kenyan school children about the country’s wildlife and environment; recognises the centre as the creation of the African Fund for Endangered Wildlife; pays tribute to its founder, the late Jack Leslie-Melville, for realising his extraordinary vision for education in conjunction with rescuing the endangered Rothschild giraffe; fully supports its efforts to continue to expand the sanctuary; and is encouraged by its drive to further diversify activities in educating children and adults alike in the practical benefits to both people and wildlife of taking an active interest in the environment and the welfare of this magnificent wild animal.

EDM 1973: NGAMBA ISLAND CHIMPANZEE SANCTUARY UGANDA (also not pictured)

That this House commends the Ngamba Island Sanctuary in Uganda, part of the Chimpanzee Sanctuary and Wildlife Conservation Trust, for its dedicated work over the past 11 years in caring for orphaned and confiscated chimpanzees; celebrates its reputable approach in affectionately caring for the animals, whilst respecting their requirements for a natural environment; acknowledges the invaluable effort undertaken in offering a high-quality educational experience for visitors of all ages; and fully supports its mission to promote the understanding, appreciation and conservation of chimpanzees and their habitats in particular and African wildlife in general.

With six signatures each and at current prices, those motions have probably set us back about a grand. However the denizens of Romford may sleep soundly in their beds knowing that Andrew is keeping his eye on the bigger picture.

They are more sensible than Lembit “Tin-Foil Hat” Opik’s attempt though. The man with a fetish about matters cosmic offers us on the same last day:

EDM 1962: TRACKING NEAR EARTH OBJECTS

That this House notes the collision of a large object with the planet Jupiter, causing an impact scar in the Jovian atmosphere the size of the earth; believes it is a matter of scientific fact that earth will, sooner or later, be hit by a large near earth object capable of destroying a significant proportion of life on earth; further notes such an impact would be more damaging to the British economy than the failure of a bank, but that the Government has spent more on preventing the bankruptcy of Royal Bank of Scotland than the entire cost of tracking and diverting any near earth object capable of incinerating the United Kingdom; and calls on the Government to implement all 14 recommendations of the Near Earth Object Task Group which published its report and recommendations in 2000.

Terrifying, eh? He doesn’t consider using asteroids to destroy the Royal Bank Of Scotland, which may be an oversight.