After six months of not being represented in the House of Commons, the drug addicts and dole scroungers in one of the most economically depressed parts of the world United Kingdom will finally have a chance to elect a replacement for trougher, hypocrite, liar, expenses cheat and all-round prejudiced chip-on-shoulder scumbag Michael Martin.

Finally the Glasgow North East by-election, which was forced by the resignation in June of former Commons speaker Michael Martin, will take place on 12 November.

Labour has selected Willie Bain, 36, a law lecturer, to fight the seat. Two former BBC journalists are also in the running – David Kerr, 36, is standing for the SNP while Ruth Davidson, 30, is the Scottish Conservative candidate. Eileen Baxendale, 64, a councillor and former social worker, is standing for the bearded weirdie sandal-wearing brigade although it’s unclear whether she herself has a beard.
David Doherty, 24, an environmental protection graduate of Strathclyde University, will fight the seat for the Scottish Green Party and one of the men who helped foil the Glasgow Airport terror attack, John Smeaton, declared as an independent candidate backed by the Jury Team. If there are others then the BBC are ignoring them.

This gives us a lefty teacher, two journalists, an unemployed ex-social worker and an unemployable student to choose from…..and a bloke who fought off a terrorist attack. Basically there’s only one candidate in there who hasn’t got a wardrobe full of corduroy trousers.

At the 2005 General Election Martin won the seat with a 10,134 majority over the SNP although without Conservative or LibDem opposition. In the spirit of fairness, equality and giving an equal hearing to all of the candidates, here is the pitch from John Smeaton and none of the others.

If any other candidates wish this blog to publish their manifesto then please forward text or video files complete with evidence of terrorist-thwarting activities (last five years only) to the usual email address.

Hat-tip: Daniel1979 for the video here.