In the furore about MP’s expenses, did our Parliamentary representatives miss a trick? Sir Peter Viggers may have tried to claim for his ornamental duck house, but what about claiming for the ducks themselves?

In the United States, this may soon be possible on their tax returns. A proposal known as the HAPPY (Humanity and Pets Partnered Through the Years) Act was introduced in Congress earlier this year which would allow pet owners to deduct up to $3,500 for “qualified pet-care expenses” for household pets.

Unfortunately for everyone who has immediately started sizing up the denizens of their fishtank in the hopes of a tax rebate, here in the UK you are much more likely to be taxed on them as a rich toff’s luxury – along with the quality of the view out of your window, and being taxed both to dig a hole and taxed again if you want to fill it in*. Even US citizens are likely to be disappointed – a Rasmussen Report released today showed that only 25% approved of this latest bit of lunacy. Even pet owners are dubious and oppose the HAPPY idea by a two-to-one margin.

Conclusively proving that the divine blessing of charity is not dead, 9% of non-pet owners are stupid enough prepared to be taxed extra to subsidise their pet-keeping brethren.Women, Democrats and people under 30 are also more in favour of the idea, adding weight to the theory that these groups shouldn’t be trusted with the vote or, indeed, running with spoons.

Advocates of the HAPPY legislation say, “Providing pet owners the opportunity to deduct pet care expenses is an important step toward ensuring that pet owners provide adequate veterinary and other necessary pet care. It encourages responsible pet ownership and will hopefully reduce the abandonment of pets by people struggling as a result of the economic downturn.”. Riiiiighty-ho.

Opponents have had some fun with the proposal, even creating a tongue-in-cheek “Individual Pet Tax Return” which includes a line item for rating the cuteness of your pet.

On a general point and most worryingly, only 55% of people in the US say tax cuts are generally good for the economy. However by applying the laws of averages and the bell-curve model of IQ we note that 50% of people are either of the mean average intelligence level or higher – so as a statistic this makes quite a bit of sense. 

*Aggregate and landfill taxes, since you asked.