If you want a share of the 50 million being distributed for railway station repairs then tough luck if you aren’t living in a Labour constituency. This doubtless meritocratic redistribution of taxpayers money to voters in marginal Labour seats deserving cases has conincidentally fallen thusly:

Manchester Victoria – Tony Lloyd (Labour)
Clapham Junction – Martin Linton (Labour)
Barking – Margaret Hodge (Labour)
Warrington Bank Quay – Helen Southworth (Labour)
Preston – Mark Hendrick (Labour)
Wigan North Western – Neil Turner (Labour)
Luton – Margaret Moran (Labour)
Liverpool Central – Louise Ellman (Labour)
Stockport – Ann Coffey (Labour)
Crewe – Edward Timpson (Conservative, but only on loan Labour will hope)

Not electioneering at all, then. And strangely the BBC article doesn’t draw upon this interesting breakdown of the constituencies affected. maybe they didn’t notice…or maybe they were shilling for Labour once more. However as the old saying goes, you gotta laugh, so seen over at A Very British Dude and well worth passing on…..

Thomas the Tank Engine was depressed, he was busy shunting trains in a Zanu Labour area, and ZanuLabour areas always depressed Thomas. When he fell asleep in the sidings, chavs always spray painted willies on him. And then the Fat Controller came along, and said…

“Thomas I need you to move some trains in Clapham Junction, Warrington Bank Quay, Preston and Luton. Oh and most importantly of all Barking. Isn’t that exciting?”

“Oh No” said Thomas “More Labour areas, they smell like Salty the Dockside Diesel after the Guano ship arrives”.

“Oh you haven’t heard the news” Said the Fat Controller “They all have shiny new stations thanks to the government”.

“That’s a bit of a co-incidence” said Thomas “It’s not like they are no rubbish stations smelling of urine in Conservative seats”.

“Oh and you also have to go to Crewe” Said the Fat Controller. That’s a Conservative area now but its got a shiny new station too”.

“Oh what a bloody co-incidence. The one seat Gordon Brown wants to win back after it showed wearing a top hat and sneering wouldn’t win you the seat”.

“Look” said the Fat Controller “If you want a letter of thanks from the Prime Minister you’ll stop those comments”.

“He’ll probably spell my name wrong anyway, honestly Percy can spell better than him, and he was hardly the sharpest knife in the box even before the Level Crossing incident”.

“You’re on thin ice Thomas, Remember Harriet the Harridan wants to replace you with a lady tank engine”. Said the fat Controller “And the Troublesome Trucks – Aslef and RMT will make your life difficult. The people are New Labour, and New Labour are the people, remember that”.

Thomas the Tank Engines words to the fat controller were lost as Gordon blew his steam whistle.

Excellent work there by ‘Travelgall’.