Rocket Man
A visit to that home of daftness, the Austrian Times is long overdue, so let’s go there to meet Londoner Chris “Crazy Chris” Lynam.
If we think that Britain’s Got Talent is basically the worst form of nonsense then spare a thought for the German equivalent. Chris (who doesn’t speak German) started his Elton John act fully clothed but stripped naked and stuck a lit firework up his backside for a grand finale.
When dropping him from the show, Dieter Bohlen – Germany’s answer to Simon Cowell – said: “It was very funny – but it’s not talent.”
When one of our own dear squaddies tried that stunt the idiot used a rocket, intending to launch it from his crack rather than a milk bottle.
If you think about it – which he didn’t – a rocket discharges its energy at the orifice end of the assembly.
Yes, quite badly.
Northern Echo 9/11/2006
Daniel Tilley, 22, is today recovering from internal injuries at Sunderland Royal Hospital, after the idiotic stunt backfired.
The prank, revealed in yesterday’s Echo, was captured on a mobile phone after the firework, understood to be a Black Cat thunderbolt, was set alight.
The ex-squaddie, back on Wearside after a tour of duty in Iraq, stunned onlookers at a bonfire on wasteland in Dundas Street, Monkwearmouth, on Sunday night by pulling down his trousers and carrying out the crazy stunt.
Although he was too sore to speak today, friends of Mr Tilley, from Millfield, said he was copying stunts from television’s Dirty Sanchez programme.
Daniel Kassim, 16, described the minute the firework exploded: “There were about 40 of us at a bonfire. After the fire had finished, we were hanging around setting off fireworks. The lad was saying: ‘This is boring, what can we do?’
“He decided to put a rocket up his backside and set it off. Everyone didn’t believe he would do it but he pulled his trousers down, placed the firework and someone lit it.
“It exploded within a few seconds and he fell to the ground. No one thought he was hurt, we all thought it was hilarious.
“He stood up and walked for a few metres before stumbling and falling to the ground. There was blood coming from his bum.”
http://www.thegoalposts.com/showthread.php?t=40041
…
Mr Tilley later gave an interview from his hospital bed.
http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/1024363.Firework_soldier__I_feel_a_real_prize_pratt/
“I suppose I’ve been lucky – as lucky as anyone who has blown two new holes in their backside ever can be….. I’m a grown man. I shouldn’t be going around shooting fireworks out of my bum.”
That particular video seems to have vanished. However, as Dufalumpus noted, there are almost 4,000 YouTube alternatives for the search “firework ass”
What I love most is the way he seems to think that stuffing a firework up your bum might be half-way sensible in a younger person.
Mr O. Bin Laden on hearing the news said: “I don’t know why I bother. Next time I’m just going to make a stunt film, then take out a whacking great mortgage and default on it.”
With that grasp of explosive projectiles and ballistics he’s bound to be a Royal Artilleryman.
And yes, I did bite. I ran the YouTube search and indeed: 4000. I may spend an unhealthy 5 mins of my life having a browse around in there….purely for scientific research purposes you understand…
I think this guy nicked that act from Johnny Knoxville and or steve o of “Jackass” fame, I could have sworn I remember them doing something stupid like that.
That Justin Beiber had best look to his laurels.
“With that grasp of explosive projectiles and ballistics he’s bound to be a Royal Artilleryman” …
Ahh .. the old “Nine Mile Snipers” .. doncha just love ’em ? … 😉 😀
Mind, he could also have performed a certain “Dance” involving a rolled & lit newspaper .. on the roof of a certain breeze-block built public bog .. at the junction of Bugis & Malabar Streets, Singapore (except, I suspect its long been pulled down) … 😉
Well *cough* the Dance of the Flaming Arseholes on the parade ground of RNH Haslar after a particularly good pay day disco. In my defence a Sgn Lt Cmdr was involved too.
If the photo is accurate he’s not ageing well 🙂
As WoaR says above it’s not original, but this bloke certainly did it in style! I’m all for stupidity on stage – just as long as it doesn’t involve me any more….
Ahh , yes Eye .. but you’d have been charged with being pissed ..
Whilst “Sir” would have heard quiet words about “high spirits” ..
It wasn’t a certain Surg Lt Cmdr initials “RJ” was it ??? …. 😉 😀 😀
You couldn’t make it up! =-O
PK in his final year, about 15 years ago. Happy days….